Stylised Monologue

Monday 11 July 2011

Short Film.

Ext. A warm but cloudy summer day. London. 2011
A man and a woman are walking hand in hand. The man is wearing shorts, trainers, a Justin Bieber tshirt and a camera around his neck (ok so maybe one of those things is a lie). The woman is wearing abnormally high waisted shorts, a crop top, waistcoat and nude platfortms.
MAN
(strong northen accent)
Shall we take some photos here? For your blog?
WOMAN
(thinks about it)
Are my shorts not too short?

As every lovely boyfriend and hardcore belieber knows (one of those things is not true), when a girlfriend is paranoid about the shortness of a garment, fatness, greekness of eyebrows etc, just tell her she's crazy. 
MAN
you're crazy

As every FANTASTIC (ok possibly, ever so slightly, pain in the arse) girlfriend knows, when bombarding him with insecurities, a nice boyfriend will call her crazy to make her fee better. 

WOMAN
you're just saying that to make me feel better.
MAN
No
Woman
Yes

In a strange and rare twist of events, the man wins and pictures are set to be taken. 

MAN
Stand there
The woman walks 'there'
MAN
Now, pose
WOMAN
The man laughs and shakes his head. 
MAN
Can we try a little less 80s cop and a little more girl?
WOMAN
you got it
The man, dedicated Manchester United fan, talented photographer and Bieber Fever suferer (you get the pattern by now, one of the above is a lie) decides to give up for now and take some photos of the womans crotch/breasts instead (perv!)


The man contemplates asking the woman to pose for a few more pictures but realises it would be in vain. That's when he remembers. He looks in his bag, in there, other than a Justin Bieber poster, two copies of Baby(baby,baby oh!) and a manchester united pen (now how many of THOSE are a lie?hmmmm), he finds a book about hypnotism. 
MAN
Eureka!
WOMAN
Actually, it's pronounced EVREEKA
The man ignores the woman's 'the Greeks invented everything' speech. He steals her necklace. He dangles it in front of her face. 
MAN
Repeat after me.
WOMAN
Repeat after me. 
MAN
No,not yet.
WOMAN
No,not yet.
The man sighs, but continues
MAN
I will never again pose like an 80s cop or a dog chasing its tail.
WOMAN
I will never again pose like an 8os cop or a dog chasing its tail.
MAN
I will, instead, pose like a model and/or Selena Gomez
WOMAN
MAN
and when I take jumping pictures, I will no longer look like a constipated turtle but will smile instead. 
WOMAN

And they lived happily ever after.
The end.
(ok, so MAYBE, some of these events did not happen in real life)
top: asos
shorts: topshop
shoes:asos
necklace: h&m
waistcoat: vintage.

16 comments:

  1. Thank you! I follow you back :)))

    LOVE from Germany
    minnja

    MY English Fashion Blog:

    http://minnja.blogspot.com/

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  2. Very entertaining! I like you :D

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  3. love your blog, great pictures =)
    xoxo,
    Mónica

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  4. Wonderful post.
    Well written, funny and beautiful pictures as always.
    And I love the waistcoat. x x

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  5. ooo, you look so damn pretty! And I love your hair! Thanks so much for stopping by doll, and have a nice day!

    xoxo Despite color

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  6. Could your blog seriously be anymore unique? I looooooved this post...the dialogue was too cute. And I love the pic with the jeans pocket slightly out...cool and natural.

    :)
    Candy
    www.tayloranddemolish.com

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  7. omg this is the cutest post! I love the narration :) and cute style.

    MalibuMara

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  8. Love the jeans and that cuff is lovely!!
    Great blog. Now following. Hope you can also return the favor- if my blog inspires you :)


    Xoxo,

    http://www.beatricebalaj.blogspot.com/

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  9. looool your sooo funny :)
    loving the story with the pics haha, the bangle is wicked btw x

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  10. Loving your shoes! :)



    Nice blog, hope to see you on ours!


    xoxo
    Antonia

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  11. Original (and amazing outfit)!

    www.quinestre.com

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  12. Love your wedges !

    http://gourmandisesettalonshauts.blogspot.com/

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  13. Love the wedges !! Great blog! Now following! Hope you can return the favor, if my blog inspires you :)



    XO,

    Mybrunetteworld.com

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