I like film scripts, discovering a well written film gives me the kind of joy and satisfaction only ever rivalled by a perfectly cooked medium rare burger housed between melty slices of cheese and a shiny brioche bun. I love a brilliant book and although I'd fancy myself a lover of the classics that often drops Flaubert into conversations like a steaming hot potato, my heart will always belong to David Sedaris (who is competing with garlic for the role of my soulmate) and I'm much more likely to quote Joy Tribiani than Earnest Hemingway. Kieslowski and Spike Jonze have forever been entangled in battle for first place on my favourite directors list, but I'd pass them both up in a second for a marathon of High Fidelity (and by marathon I mean I'd watch it on repeat all day,everyday!).
Despite it looking like all I did was de-intellectualise myself, my first paragraph is meant to be a list of things I love. Think 'The Sound of Music' but with less nazis and brown paper packages tied up with string. (may I just digress here to point out that if, on a shitty day, raindrops on roses is all it takes to cheer you up, you are -in my humbe opinion- a twat!)
I put all of my favourite things to the ultimate test, what would I pass meeting Bruce Springsteen for. Literature, films, music, travels, a handful of meetings with friends, good meat, tangy hearbs and creamy dairy all lost to the Boss. And then, I came to the sickening conclusion... my all time favourite thing in the whole wide world, the thing that I'd rather do than assume Courtney Cox status in THIS video, is new relationship kisses! I know, I know, what a soppy thing to say... but think about it. It's an unbeatable feeling!
I call my relationship new despite it being the same age of a fully formed foetus nearing its due date. So kisses still turn my stomach into a butterfly disco! (I know, I judge myself too...).
Alas, there is one thing interfering with all the fun that can be had while exchanging saliva with your paramour, and that is my love for lipstick. I don't know how it became socially acceptable to literally juts put paint onto your face and walk around like it's normal, but it did and I'm embracing it to the limit! So, to sum up... on the one hand, I love kissing. On the other, I love lipstick... now put your hands together.... -.-
So for this Valentine's day (which I still think is the most unimaginative of man made holidays), when the dress code still calls for red roses, red wine, red dress and red lips, I propose you do more snogging and less consuming overpriced chocolates.
To help you do so, I indulged into a highly enjoyable little experiment during which I searched high and low for the most long lasting lipstick formulas, I put them to the test and can now present you.....
THE STYLISED GUIDE TO LIPSTICK-PROOF KISSING
- Contestant number one, is a stain that comes up so often on the long lasting lipstick google search, it might as well have it in its name. I'm talking about the one and only YSL glossy stain in #9. Overpriced, overly glossy, pretty sleek packaging....
....NOT KISS PROOF.
- Contestant number two, is an oddity in my collection. Picked up on a whim in New York, this fuchsia lipstick bares the brand of an Armenian family whose journey in America has been captured on film for the world to see. Kardashian Khroma in Shocking Pink. Tacky packaging, Tacky smell, Great colour/texture
... NOT KISSPROOF
- Third on the list, is a liquid stain for the more Vampy of Valentines! My mother covets this so much I always have to hide it when I visit home or it 'falls out of my bag' straight into her make up storage. HOURGLASS icon
...This is one for couples that like to match. Boyfriend looks fairly unaffected but I seem to have acquired some crimson facial hair?!
- Next one up is my all time fave red. And the one most similar to a dog's penis. Bobbi Brown matte lipstick in HEART. One that may be aptly named for Valentine's...
...but, sadly, not quite aptly formulated. Bummer. (we also seem to be a couple considerate of each others nostrils during kissing sessions...... what!)
- The penultimate lipstick put to the test, is a NARS one. This one is in pencil form so I had really high hopes for it. Nars Velvet Matte Lipstick in Red Square...
... is DEFINITELY the winner... of Lipstick-Most-Likely-To-Make-You-Look-Like-You-Have-Severe-Acne.
- My last contestant was the underdog. A ridiculously cheap lipstick I don't remember buying/being given. Max Factor something or other...
...CAN YOU HEAR THE ANGELS CHANTING? (if not just click on the link...)!!
WE FINALLY HAVE A WINNER!!
WE FINALLY HAVE A WINNER!!
with the ST.D(stylised dialogue) SEAL OF APPROVAL, you can now proceed to start snogging!