Stylised Monologue

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

BRUSSELS SPECIAL.

Hiya guys! How is everyone? What did you get up to last week? 


I personally, travelled to a far far away land  on the eurostar for a couple of hours and ended up in 
BELGIUM (wow this is shaping up to be quite the colourful post)


Now, being the ever present blogger that I am (cue to uncontrollable laughter and pointing) I have decided to compose... 
THE STYLISH GUIDE TO NOT BEING STYLISH IN BELGIUM!!


First stop: BRUSSELS. 



What? This is a genuine traditional folk costume!! Honest. 


Ok. So, first things first. In order to NOT be stylish in Brussels, just go when it's raining constantly. Don't be threatened by the summery sound of the month of June. It will rain. Constantly. Disregarding mother nature's will that June, July and August are summer months. 99% of the photos I've got are of me wearing a coat. 0 fashion blogger points. HEY! DO YOU WANT ME TO GET PNEUMONIA AND LOOK LIKE THIS AGAIN?!! DO YOU? DO YOU? Good, I didn't think you did. 


Right, moving on, when travelling to a country you've never been to before, it is highly advisable that you ask people you know have been/lived there for tips of where NOT to stay. I took the adventurous route. Living on the edge and all that shizzle (plus I had read that Brussels has very low criminality, because in reality I am a MASSIVE wuss) so I left the hotel picking to my man, my rock, the apple of my eye, Anthony. He promised it was central and nice. He showed me a couple of pictures and it looked pleasant enough as we were only planning to use it as a base anyway. All I need to say is that the toilet was actually IN the kitchen and the location was the (after further research) possibly only dangerous place in Brussels. Therefore, due to fear of petty crime, there was a certain relunctance on our part to actually carry Anthony's camera around much. -1 blogger points. A GOOD START I TELLS YA! 


Aaaand that's pretty much all it takes to not be stylish in Brussels. Or to not have stylish evidence anyway which is probably just an excuse like when I tell my bf I know all the football terms, just not in English. In reality, I'm equally as clueless in Greek. 


Anyway, minor disturbances aside, here is a collection of COOL THINGS IN BRUSSELS:


1. THEY HAVE WIENER BUSES. see this London? you're so proud of your double decker buses which frankly, deprived of any phallic insinuations are now boring. 




2. THEY HAVE NITS. sorry, NITZ cos they're gangsta. Now, I know nits are not Belgium exclusive and that you can find them anywhere. But, that's were smart business comes in. In Brussels, THEY SELL THEM. So, children around the world, eager to rub your itchy head against that of a class mate, think again, those pests could be the source of pocket money. 




3. THEY HAVE INAPPROPRIATE STATUES. And here I thought, us Greeks were pros when it came to inappropriate statues. First they were naked, then we made their penises TEENY TINY and THEN we went on to actually CHOP THEM OFF. No, the Belgians won't mess about with petty aesthetic insults like that. They'll clothe their statues and then have them give the world the middle finger. Brilliant. He's a bit like: " Yeah, alright, I'm a statue we've established that now FUCK OFF and stop staring"




3 1/2. OK SO I KIND OF LIED. They also have naked, poorly endowed statues. The significant difference however, is that:  a) this one is also weeing unlike the Greek ones that are merely showing off their marble muscles and b) this is their MAIN TOURIST SIGHT. You know how Paris has the eiffel tower, Athens the Acropolis, Egypt the pyramids and the list goes on? Well Belgium has THE MANNEKEN PISS. 


4. THEY HAVE SELF SARCASM. 


5. THEY HAVE A CAR EXHIBITION (look I made Anthony go to the Fashion Museum in Antwerp so I was kind of oblidged to go along to this one) WHERE THE BEST CAR EVER LIVES. It's called bubble (the bubble car?) and I'm pretty sure it's my inanimate soulmate. 




and last but not least, 
6. THERE'S LOADS OF JUMPING SPACE!! 




.THE END.

(American TV voice) Next time on Stylised Dialogue: An Antwerpian Adventure. 

2 comments:

  1. Stylish and effortlessly hilarious as always.
    A great post about a great little treep.
    (once we got past the hotel's location)
    x x x

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  2. lovely blog. please check out my newest post <3

    ReplyDelete