Stylised Monologue

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

I will survive...

First I was afraid, I was petrified..
Come on! yes, you! don't just stare at the screen, sing along, come on, come on, don't pretend you don't know the lyrics, I know you do. I know you've sang it at Karaoke bars and on singstar with your friends.
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side...
I know you've probably drunkenly believed you sound just like Gloria and might have even made up some sort of passionate dance to go with it
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong AND I GREW STRONG
Look, I don't judge, we've all been there. Dumped, sad, in out twenties teenage years, singing it into our hairbrush/toothbrush/anything phallic with the word 'brush' attached to it (hmmm...what else would that list include?) really, trully believing every single lyric, because, hell, I might have not uttered a word in our first 20 dates(due to  what will in the future become the piece de resistence of my ridiculus qualities, my unbelievable awkwardness)but,no,15yearold boyfriend with abnormally fast(or just Greek) hair growth, you should not have dumped me and you were wrong in thinking that by doing so...
....I'd crumbe, did you think I'd lay down and die, oh no, not I, I will survive.
Aaaanyway, before you actually think I have lost my mind let me just tell you, I haven't (I have found an awesome way to keep it in my head, it's called 'having a skull' it's amazing, you should try it) and I'm not going through a break up either. HA! you guessed it all wrong didn't you? In fact the lovely man that is currently being fed too many aubergines by my entire family is sitting right next to me listening to my bad singing (Lies. He is watching football with headphones on plus I am a brilliant singer. 50% of that is true). So what's with all the break up songs, you ask! Well, lets be honest, you probably didn't ask but, listen, I have to be creative here, lets pretend you asked, or even better lets Dora The Explorer the shit out of this blog and actually repeat after me : WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BREAK UP SONGS?
You: *repeating*
Me: Oh, wow, well, since you're asking, I'll tell you. My focus is not on the heartache caused by someone dumping ME. See, I did the dumping!!! HA! twist!! I'm going all inception/shutter island (anything Leonardo DiCaprio-esque that has a twist) on your arse! 
Nah, not really, I mean, it might have seemed like I dumped you, but really it was just a missundersanding!! I was just unable to reach the magical world of the internet. But now
I'm back, from Outer space (called Skyros, beautiful island, visit it!)
Look, you had your chance,
You could have changed that stupid lock, you could have made me leave your keys (or, in our case, keyboards) etc..

and so, now, you're stuck with me (metaphorically, always, it's not like I have finally found a way to spray glue through the computer screens and onto you, my lovely readers, getting you, that way, to stare at my blog all day long. (By the way, are you bloglovin me yet?!) You CAN (although, inadvisable) click away if you don't want to look at poses like this:
or, if you can't stand the view of myself stretching out my garments (although, those trousers just shout 'stretch meeeeeeeeee'. No, seriously, they do. It's creepy)
worst of all, I don't even know where all those clothes come from because I just found them, so I'll call them 'vintage' (they're old, they were lying around in my house, vintage is accurate, stop arguing with me!)
Hey, all joking aside, I know how to satisfy my audience. So, here it is... (drumroll) the moment you've ALL been waiting for... (more drumroll) THE JUMPING PICTURE
*loud clapping noises*

Thank you, Thank you!!

trousers: you've not read the text have you?
shirt: no, really, go back and read
earrings: nah don't worry, reading will hurt your eyes, 
shoes: come on, at LEAST look at the pictures


  1. Funny troussers!... but I loved them!


  2. Love this post! Great pants and great images!


  3. I love the last photo :D Looks like you're flying..

    Castle Fashion

  4. Coolest blog ever, funny with a great fashion taste! I completely A D O R E the pants!


  5. Wonderful post. Love the outfit. Beautiful setting. And INSANEly funny. xx

  6. awww thanks guys :D I'm glad you like!!

    xx Daphne